From: Richard Knoppow (dickburk@ix.netcom.com)
Date: 06/25/01-04:30:55 PM Z
At 09:34 AM 06/25/2001 +0000, you wrote:
>Gordon J. Holtslander wrote:
>>
>>
>> I'm afraid we will have to judge each posting by its intrinsic value, and
>> list participants, not so much by their ID/name, but by the respect they
>> have earned through their contributions to the list.
>>
>
>
>This seems like a good segue into something I've wondered several times
>whether to say or not, and never have. A friend's credo "never explain,
>never apologize" seems like good advice, and it seemed to me that the
>best way to deal what couldn't be changed was to leave it in the past
>and let my present behavior and demeanor speak for itself. But given the
>recent demonstration of the force and eternality with which some here
>hold on to old grudges, I think I will explain myself after all.
>
snipping here.
I first heard this from Howard Hawks, the movie director, in an
interview. I thought it was assinine then and still do. The basic meaning
of an appology is to explain. I think explanations are often necessary and
desirable in life, otherwise you are counting on people to guess what is in
your mind or to guess the truth of something that may not be at all
obvious, like your encounter with the leaking furnace. Much better, in my
never humble opinion, to make things plain. I think Hawk's philosophy might
make sense to a 12 year old, but not to anyone who has had to deal with the
world much.
There are some things which can not be appologized for, like the federal
building bombing, but for the most part the smaller injuries can be healed
faster with at least some acknowledgement.
So, I think you have done the right thing here.
I must also tell a story. Much simpler. One of my collegues at work
became very abusive one morining. I was quite taken aback. I then found out
he had severe diabetes and the rather psycotic behaviour was a
manifestation of it. I should have caught on having lived with someone with
a similar problem. In this instance, the abusiveness was a sign the fellow
was dying.
---- Richard Knoppow Los Angeles,Ca. dickburk@ix.netcom.com
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